My mom and I were coming home from errands in Augusta and we were in an accident that was ALMOST very serious. My mom is slowly healing now. She suffered a cracked sacrum (go ahead, I'll wait while you google that...) and lots of bruises and strains and bumps. My legs looked like they were beat with a baseball bat but I didn't suffer nearly as badly as my momma. Her pain those first few days was torturous to watch, much less endure, I'm sure. My son, John, just kept saying all day... "Nana's tough, I saw her smile as she got into the ambulance, she's ok, she's going to be fine, she's good, I saw her..." On and on he went. My other son wouldn't leave my side all day while mom was in the ER with daddy and I was at their house with my boys. What I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and fall apart and hide for a day... or five. What I knew I had to do was to show my boys that their world was still ok and that we would be fine.
I learned a lot that day.
I was reminded that God loves me more than I love my momma. He loves me more than I love my boys. And somehow, for some reason, He STILL let this happen.
Another 12 inches or so further, and the other driver would have smashed me right in my door. The adjuster said that judging from the damage done, if she had hit my door, it very well could have been fatal. Side impacts are usually not survivable like that.
I learned that because I'm not dead, I must not be done with stuff God has for me to do.
I learned that you'd better take care of yourself NOW because someday you may be called upon to deadlift your wife to get her into the house from the hospital. If I thought my dad was awesome before this, well, he's super awesome now... 'cause he can do that!
My boys have a friend that lost his dad in a car accident similar a few years back so this is real to them. One of my kids flat out told me he couldn't do without a mom. Ouch. I quickly told him, though, that if that day would have been my day to be called HOME, that God would have provided for him here and God will always take care of him somehow.
I'm learning that the devil uses nighttime to catch me at my weakest and torture me with flashbacks, whatifs, and shoulda coulda and woulda... that's dangerous to let him in. I was not found at fault in the accident. I have to keep telling myself that. There really was nothing else I could have done.
I have a friend from college that lost his wife and young son due to an accident. A couple at our church lost a son in an accident. I know that this could have been so much worse but it was still allowed to happen. That's hard to grasp. I must be thankful.
I don't know what my point is in writing any of this. Maybe to just get it all out of my head. Except that it's still there.
I learned that my husband worries more than he lets on. An older man in our church cornered me when I got back and just said, "your husband was so worried about you and it killed him not to come rushing to your side." What sweet words for me to hear!
I'm learning that people who suffer from depression have real pain and real fears and real hurt. Only God can touch them sometimes. We are called simply to love one another. Everyone has something they are battling. I may wear a smile 99% of the time but there are days when my brain feels like mush. God gets me through those days.
He's my strength.
He's my peace.
He's my strong tower.
He's my hug that I need.
He's my Word in my ear that says, "I got this."
I love this list... hope it helps someone too...
I'm so thankful that I know Jesus. I know for sure Who I belong to. I know for sure that if July 12 had been my day, I would most assuredly have opened my eyes to see my Jesus. I've asked Him to come be the Lord of my life and I know I'm saved. There are days when I can feel doubt creep in but then I'm reminded that He's my Daddy, Abba Father. I asked Him to save me and He gladly said He would. He's true to His Word. Just believe.
Keep it Simple,